Three sides of a prism
by Inugami Elric
Summary: Elricest & HeidEd. Three POVs about their feelings. CoS spoilers; based on three different Gackt songs, that's what Al, Alfons and Ed feel about each other.
1. Uncertain Memory

_**Three sides of the prism**_

by Inugami

Alphonse Elric POV

**Disclaimer: **Full Metal Alchemist characters belong to their respective authors and those who had bought the franchise license. This is written only for fun, I don't earn any money despite I need it; moreover, the song is not mine either, it belongs to Gackt and neither I earn anything using it, just helping to give shape to the idea formed in my mind.

An Alphonse POV which resumes from my own perspective his feelings during the time between the end of the series and the events of Conqueror of Shambala. A bit angst, because I think that Aru suffered a lot despite the loss of his memories.

This is Elricest, but only slightly. Anyways, if you don't like shounen ai between incestuous brothers (lol) please go back or close the page. If you decide to read, it's your responsibility. Ah! and it has big spoilers of CoS.

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_**Chapter 1:**__** Uncertain memory**_

I have faint memories… Blurred images, odd images… Anguish moments… Happiness moments… People that I don't know but I feel close to me… Somehow, those scenes are familiar to me.

Today is snowing, and the coldness I feel makes it hard to believe that once my body was an armor which didn't allowed me to feel anything. But that's the truth, and those faint images I have in my mind confirm it.

The fact that I don't remember anything doesn't mean that I don't have transient flashbacks.

_**kooritsuita machinami **_

_**kiekake no ashioto**_

_**hito wa subete hikari o ushinatteru**_

_(__The frozen houses on the street_

_The fading sound of footsteps_

_A person is being deprived of all of their light)_

I am studying Alchemy again with Izumi sensei. Each day I had noticed she gets weaker, but her training is still strict. I make a great effort, because I want to get my brother back again; and any sacrifice is valid to get that goal. It doesn't matter if I have to train on the Yock island during many months, or studying at night, nor the hard physical training. Nothing compares with the greater importance of my goal.

Because I know that Ed is alive. I can feel it. Even when everyone says that it is a pointless search.

_**mabuta ni yakitsuita sepia iro no omoi de mo**_

_**ima wa sotto hikari no mukougawa e...**_

_(__And sepia colored memories that were imprinted on my eyelids_

_Are now on the other side of the soft light...)_

I see him in my dreams, in a very odd place, although similar to this world. I even see another people, alike the ones I am knowing again little by little; close to those that it's supposed that helped us when we made our long journey, that one from which I have faint memories.

I see you in that world, dear brother, and you don't know how it hurts me because I'm not there.

_**kiesaru rakuen**__** daichi no ikari to tomo ni**_

_**tsugunai o seotta mayoigo no you ni **_

_**yukisaki sae wakarazu ni**_

_(__Both paradise and the earth's anger vanish_

_Like a lost child bearing atonements, _

_I don't even know where I'm going__)_

Because even I dream every night with you, the next morning I wake up without you around.

However, I feel your scent in my pillow and a trace of warmth in my heart. I feel that you are there, and I would like to embrace you and telling you everything I feel, how I had missed you, how I had cried for having not your support. Because your absence is an empty space that anything nor anyone can fill up.

Why we must had to separate in that way?

Maybe your pain would be greater than mine, since probably you remember anything about our trip. The desire of healing that pain is the strength that encourages me to find you, to transmute that pain into happiness with love. That happiness we had searched for.

_**todokanai sakebi no naka de nani o shinjireba ii no...**_

_**fukaku ochiteyukeba nobashita kono ude no saki ni kimi ga mieru**_

_(__In the unreaching shout, what should I believe in..._

_If I fall deeply, before these outstretched arms I see you)_

I had made my own refugee inside an iceberg covered in roses. Because this voidness hurts, and although I still smile to the people, it is just the façade of my refugee, because on the inside my soul is tearing apart with each remembrance and each every word about you I hear, making me wish I were dead to end this suffering. But our friends and known ones had been supporting me although they don't share my stubborness on searching for you, so the death wishes vanish as soon as they came.

Because I also know that if I die I cannot be able to see you again.

Sometimes, a light of hope melts that iceberg between everyone and me, but it freezes again as soon as it melts. My heart had built it to suffer less, I think it is the same reason why my memories were erased. To avoid the pain that would mean to remember everything that you did for me, everything we shared, we suffered, we lived…

_**kiesaru rakuen**__** daichi no ikari to tomo ni**_

_**tsugunai o seotta mayoigo no you ni **_

_**yukisaki sae wakarazu ni**_

_(__Both paradise and the earth's memory vanish_

_Like a lost child bearing atonements, _

_I don't even know where I'm going__)_

Since I was a child I loved you. That's why I followed you when you had the idea to revive our mom. Because I thought that it would worked, and that my hapiness will have been complete with her and you at my side. Because I knew our feelings were reciprocal, and even if we had to hide them, we will have been happy. But everything failed and both paid a high price, now we're far from each other and I know, brother, that you feel the same as me.

Your life is as meaningless as mine…

_**todokanai inori no naka de nani o motobereba ii no...**_

_**kimi to ochiteyukeba kawashita kotoba no kazu dake tsumi ga kieru**_

_(__In the unreaching prayer, what should I ask for..?._

_If I fall with you, only the crimes of evaded words disappear)_

It doesn't matter if it is forbidden. We had commited a sin ¿it will matter another one? After all, the pain is an enough punishment. The loneliness has rotten our souls, this is time to end it… That's why I'll search for you everywhere. We will smile again, and cry again, but we'll be together, in good and bad moments. Living without you isn't life and I had decided that I want to live completely, as when you were at my side.

_**todokanai sakebi no naka de nani o shinjireba ii no...**_

_**fukaku ochiteyukeba kieteyuku kono ude no naka de kimi ga warau**_

_(__In the unreaching shout, what should I believe in...?_

_If we fall deeply, before these vanishing arms you smile)_

These two years had been long, but today has been my happiest day on life. I had contacted you, even if it was through my soul transfer technique applied on those armors that came from the world you are trapped. Yo can't imagine how happy I was when I knew that there will be a way to meet you again. I could have cross the Gate and reach you, but Rose didn't allowed me; even so, talking with you made me happy.

That's why I will make anything to open the Gate again.

Because it doesn't matter what I will have to sacrifice to touch you again.

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**Notas finales:** I hope you liked it. I love Elricest, but the next chapter will be an HeidXEd. R&R please!


	2. Hold Me Until I Break

_**Three sides of the prism**_

By Inugami

Alphonse Heiderich POV

**Previous notes****: **Full Metal Alchemist characters belong to their respective authors and those who had bought the franchise license. This is written only for fun, I don't earn any money despite I need it; moreover, the song is not mine either, it belongs to Gackt and neither I earn anything using it (nee... and where's the "_touka koukan"_ or Equivalent Exchange?)

This part of the fic is written from Heiderich's POV. I think he felt something for Ed… It's a shame that Ed seemed not to correspond him (or it was good? Since what happened to him was… you know).

Warnings? Yaoi, shounen ai, angst, big Conqueror of Shambala spoilers. If you don't like male x male, don't read!

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_**Chapter 2: Hold me **__**until I break.**_

I noticed it when we met for the first time on the train station of Munich. Your look, your astonished expression, your almost disbelief… You were unable to speak until I broke the ice with a question that intended to be a joke; but later I understood that was truly a cruel joke.

_- Edward Elric? Nice to meet you, I'm Alphonse Heiderich._

_- Nice to… meet you, A… Haide… Hiede… Heiderich_ – You answered, with that expression in your face.

_- What's up, you had lost one like me? ¡Let's go, you must be tired for the long travel!_

_**kurayami wo tsuyoku terasu aoi tsuki**_

_**suimen no zawameki ha kaze no uta**_

_**kese ha shinai ayamachi wo kurikaesu **_

_**watashi-tachi no ashiato wo mitsumeteita**_

_(__The blue moon lights up the darkness_

_The murmur on the surface of the water is the song of the wind_

_It looks down upon the footsteps_

_Of we who keep repeating mistakes that are not erased)_

When we started to live together, sharing our knowledge and developing our investigations, I noticed that you are a good person, although you had something hidden. Because sometimes you just stared at the distance, your amber-colored eyes lost in the endless blue sky.

You were searching for something… Something you lost and you wanted to get back.

_And I realized that you really had lost one like me…_

Despite of this, and your weird stories, being with you was all I began to wish. Although I knew that your heart was someone else's, I wanted to fill at least part of that emptiness that you had inside.

And after a lot of efforts from me, you allowed me to do it.

_**nobashita yubisaki ni fureru anata no namida ga**_

_**itsuka wa otozureru asu wo akaku someteyuku**_

_**"sasayaka na hitotoki ga nagaku tsuzukimasu you ni..." to**_

_**hoshi ni inoru watashi wo kowareru hodo dashimeta**_

_(__Your tears that my outstretched fingertip touches_

_May one day paint the coming future red_

_"May this fleeting moment stretch on...?"_

_So I prayed to the stars as you held me so tight I might break)_

I calmed the desire of physical contact you had. And I didn't mind that you called him instead me in the middle of your rapture. Or at least, I pretended I didn't mind. After all, you had been sincere from the beginning

_­- Ed… I know you love someone else… You love the Alphonse who is in the other world. But please, let me at least soothe your suffering… __Let me touch you, let me embrace you… I wanna make something for you… _

_**doredake no kanashimi wo seottemo**_

_**itsu no hi ka, mukuwareru hi ga kuru kara**_

_(__No matter how much sadness you bear_

_Someday, you will be rewarded)_

You turned your face to me, trying to hide the tears formed in your golden eyes. You didn't answer, but neither evaded me when I embraced you sliding my hand on your back.

_- Let me be a piece of your heaven in this world…_

_- Only if you are willing to accept that you aren't the one I love…_ – You said, teary-eyed and sad-voiced.

_- Anything… Anything just for you…_

And you allowed my touch, my kisses, and my closeness. And I was happy.

Even when I knew that it wasn't me the one you really loved. Even when I knew your love wasn't like mine.

_**tomaranai haguruma ni futari ha tada hikizurare**_

_**kimagure ni sugiteyuku toki no nagare ha hayasugite**_

_**"mou modorenai no nara, anata no te de koroshite..." to**_

_**yoru ni sakebu watashi no hitomi wo tada mitsumeteta**_

_(__We are simply being dragged along in the unstopping cogs_

_The all too fickle flow of time is too fast_

_"If we can't go back, then kill me with your own hands..."_

_So I cried out to the night as you simply looked into my eyes)_

Since then, there was just only thing that exceeded my passion about Rocketry. And that was making you happy. Making you dream, at least for a moment, that you were back on the arms of the one you loved so much. And maybe you will forget all those things and stay with me forever, finally loving me, not someone else.

I loved seeing you smiling, even when I didn't believe your stories. Forgiving your mischiefs, as letting me paying the bills or changing numbers on my notes. Looking for you, and having you looking for me, when one of us got sick (it was almost always you, for eating too much or sleeping naked). Hearing your complains every time I tried to make you drink milk. Awakening when you had one of those horrible nightmares that tortured you and cast away the fear that overwhelmed you.

But… There's always something wrong. Because I still was trying to help you to go back to your Alchemy world, if it was real. And that was conflicting with my wish of having you at my side forever.

Even so, I was happy working with you; your happiness was mine. But the pain was still there, and little by little it becomes more and more true… More and more physical.

Until it became a wound in me.

_- I have bad news for you, __Mr. Heiderich… If your disease gets worse probably you will not have much lifetime… _

Because when I denied the pain in my soul, it became a physical pain. That's when I noticed that this love was just killing me. This unrequited love was shattering my body, my soul, my life… That the fragments of your dream pierced my heart and were killing me little by little.

And despite of that I wanted to continue.

And I did it.

Maybe with less passion, but more tenderness. With a more loving touch, even when it was unrequited, I think you learned to love me, perhaps not as I loved you, but it was pleasant.

It reassured my determination of making your dreams true. As a way to thank you for letting me to be with you in that sweet way, healing a bit of your wounds and just loving you…

_**azayaka ni chirinagara wakare no uta, sasageyou**_

_**nemuri kara sameru toki anata no ude de mezametai**_

_**"mou ichido anata ni aemasu you ni..." to**_

_**hoshi ni inoru watashi wo aoi tsuki ha mitsumeteta**_

_(__Let me offer this song of parting as it is brilliantly torn apart_

_When I wake up from this sleep, I want to be in your arms_

_"May I see you one more time...?"_

_So I prayed to the stars as the blue moon looks down upon me)_

And finally I did it. Now you're on the way to your world. And even if I remain here alone, I want you to be always happy.

_- We aren't part of your dream… Even if I die, I'll be still alone. I'll be still here. Don't forget me… –_ I said, almost like a beg, while I hold your hand. If I only had the courage to kiss you…

And while I saw you fly away in that machine I made just to get you back to your world, I also saw my dreams, illusions and hopes flying away… Even so, I was happy, even when you took away my life with you.

Because when you parted, I closed my eyes forever.

Although in some ways I just fell asleep in the memory of your warmth.

_**dakishimete...**_

_**kowareru made dakishimete...**_

_(__Hold me..._

_Hold me until I break...)_

Thanks… For the best moments of my life.

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**Ending talk:** Second songfic. Next (and last) one is an Elricest from Ed's POV. R&R please!


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